Congratulations, You’re a Mom! Now Here’s Your Big Pile of Guilt.

I’ve been in a funk lately.  I’m really not sure why… I’m on summer vacation for another two weeks, and I am looking and feeling more relaxed than I do during the school year. 

But as I write this on a day where we have not a thing on our agenda, my mind is still going in a hundred different directions.  I’m still mentally making a to-do list of what has to be done or what should be done. I have laundry, clean the bathroom, get the pool back to normal rather than the neon green that it has become, organize the junk drawer because it’s come to the point where I can’t even open it half the time,  figure out dinner, make two important phone calls, and you know, not ignore my kids or dog in the process. This is all on a day that I am home and able to fit it in, but I have to wonder if men also feel this way.  Do men feel like they need to get a hundred things done in the span of ten hours also or is this just a woman thing?  

I know during the summer my husband puts more on my plate than during the school year, and that’s fine.  I’m home and can manage to get more accomplished.  He’s out of the house by 7:30 and doesn’t get home until 6 on most nights so I take care of the house, the yard, the kids, the dog (she counts too!  I hate ignoring her sweet little face!) and all the ‘business’ of being adults and dealing with the boring adult phone calls to mortgage companies, student loan lenders, blah, blah, blah…  

My husband and I have this unspoken agreement that he does the running at night. The practices, the games, the trips to the store for sporting equipment, the research online that takes hours to find the best deal for new hockey equipment.  I am as hands off as possible when it comes to athletics.  I just know when to be there for games–that’s my gig.  The watching and supporting at games.  So I’m not saying that my husband doesn’t do anything or contribute because he does.  He’s got the sports (and with my kids that’s a ton…they’re active kids), and when we have a night off and there are no practices or games, he’s playing with them in the backyard for hours.  My husband is amazing in that way–he is an incredibly fun dad. 

But I’m wondering ladies, why do we put so much on ourselves to accomplish all the time? I have to believe, that as outstanding as my husband is and as involved as he is with the kids, that if he were the one home all summer, he would not stress about getting everything done in the span of a day.  I don’t even think he would realize that the bathroom needed to be cleaned, or that the living room hadn’t been vacuumed in four days. I know that the beds would not get made and I can absolutely tell you that he would not pile the three kids in the car for a grocery shopping trip…and if he did he would never take the time to make sure he had all of the appropriate coupons (gasp!)

And you know what?  That kind of makes him awesome because instead of saying no to the kids if they asked him to do something, he’d be super awesome and fun and say yes to a game of wiffle ball or a WWE match on the trampoline.  He’d take the time to create an obstacle course in the house instead of fretting about what a mess it would make. He wouldn’t let the junk drawer get in the way of his kids and as difficult as this is to admit, but I do.  I let all the nonsense of home ownership and being a woman get in the way of being a mom.  I’m sure I’m not the only woman to feel this way.  I’m sure there are other moms who tell their kids to hang on a few minutes while ‘I just finish putting these dishes away.’ 

Is that what my funk is?  Am I feeling overwhelmed or am I feeling guilty?  Am I feeling anxious because this gift of being able to spend two whole months with my kids is coming to an end and I feel like I’ve spent them being an adult rather than a mom?  I’m going to give the Mr Momblog way of doing things a try today and see how it goes. I’m going to leave my bathroom as is, I’m not going to vacuum, and I’m just going to be. I’m going to see what direction the day takes us and hopefully I’ll get out of my funk. 

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Thank you readers!  

About Mrs Momblog

Mom of 3, wife of 1, teacher of 103. Sarcastic always.
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5 Responses to Congratulations, You’re a Mom! Now Here’s Your Big Pile of Guilt.

  1. Peggy says:

    I felt the same way this summer with a newly retired husband. I made myself crazy. It wasn’t worth it.

    • Kirsten Heatherly says:

      No its not worth it. I do the same thing. When I do lighten up and let them build giant fortresses in the house then they want me inside…but I rarely go, I am too busy taking care of everything else…how boring we are. How not fun. I don’t want them to grow and remember me being not fun. That is just sad. Does it matter when other adults tell us what good Mothers we are? No. It is a paradox, be happy, be imaginative, be whatever you want! But do that while being responsible, clean, healthy, smart, loving and making enough to support yourself and your loved ones… I think it is a cosmic joke sometimes.

  2. ejduryea says:

    Hi there! This is my first time on your blog, and I really related to this post, however I tend to do the opposite and spend all my time being a Mom and then feeling guilty about neglecting my to-do’s. I just wrote a blog post about this last night actually, where I came to some really important and useful revelations, if you’d like to have a look- I have a feeling it might resonate with you 😉 http://riceinherhair.wordpress.com/2013/10/08/of-scallops-and-self-acceptance/

  3. Kelley says:

    I had just been thinking about this. I saw a post about inexpensive Christmas gifts. Write 365 memories of your childhood and cut them up to put in a jar for your parents to open each day. I got started right away. “When dad and I played basketball, when dad and I went snake hunting, when dad and I watched scary movies”. I could only think of a few “fun” times my mom and I had. I couldn’t believe it. I don’t want that to be me and my kids. Don’t get me wrong, she is my best friend now. I talk to her everyday and we are closer than my dad and me. But it is the day to day that gets in the way. On the one hand you want to enjoy the moment, on the other hand, you want to control the chaos. I work full time, and still have the same feelings. I know my mom loved/loves me, I just have to keep that in mind when I’m telling my kids we’ll do it after ____.

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