Hopefully Ever After

Once upon a time there was a bright eyed college girl who met a rugged, athletic college guy and they had a lot of college fun together. They fell in love and graduated college and decided to start their lives together. And so they got married, had two babies, bought a house, and had another baby. And they had some really good times and they went on some vacations. And they had some really bad times and they had some really sad times, but they were their times.

And then they got busy raising kids. They ran to different activities and went in separate directions and always put the kids first and themselves last. They stopped really seeing each other. They were busy. They were stressed.  They became distant. They stopped laughing. They would sit on separate couches at night and watch TV, or stare at phones, or read books. They fell asleep on the couch and went to bed at separate times and left the house in the morning in a hurry.

And they were both just always so busy. The house was always messy. The bills were always piling up. The stress of teaching and work and life was getting overwhelming. The division was getting bigger.

She started to get angry. And he started to get aggravated. And she got flustered and resentful that the kids were acting out and dinner needed to be cooked and laundry needed to be done and the house was a mess and nobody had any clean socks and no she didn’t call the mortgage company because she worked all day and then parented all night and why didn’t he just GET THAT?

And he started to get lonely because why didn’t she talk to him anymore? Why didn’t she touch him anymore? Why didn’t she see the stress he felt with work and bills and money? Why didn’t she see how exhausted he was from running from work to practice every night?

And she started to get sad because why didn’t he just see her anymore? Why didn’t he really talk to her anymore? Why didn’t he touch her anymore?

And he started to get distant while she was lonely. And he started to get overwhelmed because money was tight. And she started to get overwhelmed because money was tight. And they started to fight more. And they started to lose each other in sadness, loneliness, and anger. And individually the little fights were nothing, but collectively they were everything. Communication broke down, anger and annoyance festered just below the surface, waiting for one more thing to set off another big fight. And the kids started to notice.

And then after one more fight she thought, “I don’t know if I’m happy. I don’t know if I can live like this. I don’t even know if he loves me anymore.” And he didn’t listen. Instead, he resigned himself to, “This is life.”

And she shut down. She got lost. She convinced herself that everyone would be happier apart because nobody was happy together. And when she finally told him, he thought, “No. I will fight.” And she thought, “No. I will go.”  And he thought, “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”  And she thought, “I tried.” And he thought, “I’ll fight. I’ll fight for us.”  And too many bad things were said that could not be unsaid. And too many bad things were done that could not be undone. And then he thought, “Maybe I don’t deserve this.” And she thought, “Maybe I don’t deserve this.”

And then there they were, facing a cliff, ready to tumble off when she looked at her husband, really looked at him, and he took her hand and it was the first time they touched in too long and she thought, “No. I want to fight for us.” And he thought, “I don’t know if I have any fight left in me.” And she thought, “I do. I will fight for both of us.” And he thought, “I love her enough for this.” And they started the long climb up. And they started to talk again. And they started to laugh again. They started to communicate again. They started to love again.

And they realized how much they missed each other. How much she missed how her head fit on his shoulder and the smell of his neck. How much he missed the curve of her waist and the softness of her skin. And they said these things. And suddenly what was once taken for granted was now appreciated. And they said these things. And laughter returned and intimacy returned and love returned.

It’s not easy. It was never meant to be easy. But for me, this fight is worth it.

I love you, KRS. Always.

“Come to me my sweetest friend
Can you feel my heart again
I’ll take you back where you belong
And this will be our favorite song”

–“Come to Me”, Goo Goo Dolls

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About Mrs Momblog

Mom of 3, wife of 1, teacher of 103. Sarcastic always.
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10 Responses to Hopefully Ever After

  1. Sarah says:

    Beautiful! And all too real for so many of us. I had tears in my eyes. Thank for exposing your life and relating to your readers. And, I’m glad the fairytale has a happy ending.

  2. Amy says:

    This brought me to tears because it hits home- you are not alone. I think many of us are in this same situation. Thanks for sharing!

  3. Becky says:

    My hubby and I went through this too. Married 22 years now but at year 17, we struggled, separated, re-connected and are stronger than ever. You can do it. It’s worth it. Good for you sharing your story- it will give others hope!

  4. Lone Mommy says:

    I wish I had read this 6 years ago….don’t let it go, it’s not better without…FIGHT!!!

  5. Kathy says:

    Thank you for this. I needed it.

  6. Jen says:

    I read this in my car while I was waiting for my daughter to come out of dance class and I couldn’t wait to come home and tell you, You are not alone! Everything you wrote in your post was my husband and I almost 2 years ago. My husband I work outside the home. He works nights and I work days. We have 2 kids, 2 dogs, 1 bird and a fish and, oh boy, my home can be chaotic. My patience was so thin and instead of my husband listening to me, he constantly told me to “stop complaining!”. Well, those words did not sit well and we fought over the smallest things. Money which was never a topic in past years, was now the core of our arguments. I was starting to resent the man that I once was deeply in love for having me feel the burden. I knew he was starting to feel the same way, but then, like you and your husband, we also had THAT moment. Neither of us wanted our future to be without the other and we knew we wanted to fight for it. Now for this part, it may sound like an advertisement, but I’m just telling you my story. We went to a Dave Ramsey event titled Legacy Journey, and from that meeting on, we began to talk about our goals and future, not just financially, but family, and husband and wife. We took his Financial Peace University course Jan 2014 and have not fought about money since. We create a budget every paycheck and he’s as much involved with the finances as I am. As for the kids, I have a teen and pre-teen; there was no reason they could not do more chores around the house. I have created a chore chart and expect them to help maintain their house as well. Now, life isn’t perfect but we said we were going to fight for it and we are. We have date nights and we are in the process of planning a long weekend getaway without kids and animals. The love and respect is there again. We communicate and we are smiling again. After this LONG comment, I wish you the same and I thank you for writing this post despite your fears. Many wives (and husbands) can relate. Keep fighting for your marriage! It’s worth it!

  7. jblenki says:

    Nice job. It’s poignant in it’s simplicity. I hope you and your husband hold on tight.

  8. David Bartilson says:

    Profound! I like it! No one said marriage would be easy. I knew that and never did it. THEre’s a lot of reasons why but just let it be said that it’s better to be single and in any state of happiness than it is to be unhappily married.

  9. Annette says:

    Honesty… It’s such a powerful thing. It is good. It is right. It connects us with others. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable piece of you… I’ve been there. I’ve fought (am still fighting) and moved forward. I hope and pray you will continue to do the same.

  10. Dana Herman says:

    Stumbled onto this today and it took my breath away . So many truths were all afraid to say . Thank you thank you thank you .

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